Playing In a Pile of Leaves is Fun but There are Bugs
by Hayal Kurmak
Summary: The Shinsengumi and Odd Jobs trio come across each other amidst a pile of leaves.


_Written for prompt "Fall" for OkiKagu month_

* * *

Kagura wrapped her coat around her tighter as the cool breeze picked up speed. The wind carried an array of red, orange, and yellow colors that were from the dying trees in the park.

She had worn her short-sleeved cheongsam outside this afternoon, expecting the weather to be warm all day. After all, the sun still shined bright and the days were still sort of long. Had she been awake in the morning to watch Ketsuno give the daily report, she would have known that the weather was changing.

"Gin-chan," she said, picking her nose. "Gin-chan."

Her father-boss looked at the girl beside him. "Gin-chan what? You don't need to say my name like that. Don't keep saying my name or it'll become worn out. Worn out like Glasses over here."

"Hey! Don't insult my glasses!" Shinpachi retorted, walking on the other side of Gin. "They are very useful you know."

"Glasses don't know what's best for them," said Gin, bopping Shinapchi's head. "Let me decide for you, okay?"

"In no way is that okay! I can think of forty-three reasons why that is not okay! Why are you always referring to me as glasses anyway? I have more than that! Since when were you my brother? Don't you remember that I have a knack for cutting people's arms? While saving your butt?"

Gin rubbed his head, finding leaves stuck in its curliness and plucking them out. "Oi, that's dangerous for glasses. You shouldn't be holding swords, there is a sword ban, you know?"

"Gin-chaaaaan," whined Kagura, pulling on his sleeve.

"I told you not to say my name like that!"

"My name is Shinpachi and I'm a whole person! And everyone in this show has swords anyway!"

"A whole popsicle? That doesn't sound very safe. Let me just try – "

"What the heck are you thinking? Get away from me!"

"Gin-chaaaaaan!"

The Odd Jobs trio landed in a huge pile of leaves that were piled up off the side of the park walkway. Kagura leapt up from the pile and attacked Gin, pulling hair and leaves from his head.

"Oi! Ow! Hey! Stop that!" Gin cried, trying to hold his head.

"Go Kagura go!" Shinpachi cheered from his side of the leaf pile.

"Don't encourage her! I'm gonna fire you both!"

Gin picked up a pile of leaves and started to throw them at his subordinates. They retaliated and soon the pile was nothing but a flat mess of leaves. They did not notice that a certain group of blue-uniformed men had surrounded them and were looking on in disdain.

"Look at that, Kondo-san, we have some littering criminals," said the vice-commander.

"Hm. I see. Do you think they are hiding Otae under there?"

Hijikata drew a cigarette and lighted it. "Gor- I mean Kondo-san, I think you would know where she is better than we would. You're just trying to make conversation."

"You almost called me Gorilla."

"Gorilla-saaan," echoed the sadistic captain. "I'm being attacked, we need to arrest these perpetrators immediately."

"You did call me Gorilla!"

Hijikata and Kondo turned to see that the China girl was throwing leaves at Sougo. The more they looked, the less they felt that the Odd Jobs should be arrested.

Until leaves were thrown at them.

"Hey! Do you know how easily leaves stick our spiky hair?" Hijikata said. "That's why – oooooowww!" he yelled as a leaf landed on his cigarette and caught on fire, then conveniently flew up to his head. "Noooo! My beautiful black spiky pretty boy hair!"

Everybody stopped and stared at the demon vice-commander, who had tears running down his face as he clutched his head.

Gintoki leered. "Did he just say pretty boy hair? He did say pretty boy hair. He said pretty boy hair."

"He said pretty boy hair!" repeated Kagura.

A pull on her hair caused her to fall back onto Sougo. "Don't worry about his hair, it suits him fine. How's this?" he asked as he picked her up and threw her into another leaf pile on the other side of the pathway.

"Wha – no! I still have to ask Gin-chan something, uh-huh! Don't take me away from him!" she cried as she was flying in the air.

"Too bad!" Sougo said, his typically dead-panned face turned into a sadistic grin. "You're the ones who started all this mess."

"But – " she started, but was interrupted by a familiar-sounding high pitched scream.

They looked to see that Gin's hair had also caught on fire and was running around with tears running down his face.

"Noooo!" he screamed. "Not my pretty curly hair! Now I'll never star in a shoujo manga and get all the pretty girls!"

"Did he just say shoujo manga?"

"He just said shoujo manga."

A moment of silence passed for the dignity of the Odd Jobs boss and the demon vice-commander.

"Okay, that's that," said Sougo as he jumped into the pile with Kagura. "I'm going to beat your butt at this leaf-throwing game!"

"You wish!"

"How is this a game?" Shinpachi yelled from the other used-to-be-leaf pile. "We're just throwing leaves at each other? How are we going to even decide a winner? What is the prize? Who's throwing more leaves? Who's making a bigger mess?"

A strong pat on his back caused him to cough up blood. "Don't worry, brother-in-law! If you win then I will marry your sister, and if I win I will marry Otae! Hahaha!"

"How's that any different?! And no way in heck will I let you marry my sister! And I am not your brother-in-law, stop calling me that!" Shinpachi gave out a warrior cry and began to throw leaves at the commander.

"Hahaha!"

Kagura had glanced briefly at the two non-brother-in-laws. It was a move that cost her dearly.

"What's that? You're so weak, China!" Sougo said triumphantly as he heaved a huge pile of leaves over her. He then proceeded to jump on top of the pile.

"I ain't bleak, uh-huh!" she mumbled loudly underneath the leaves… and Sougo.

"Deaf and dumb," he smirked.

They remained like that for a while, and Sougo was beginning to wonder if he had successfully suffocated the China girl.

_That ought to teach her about not submitting to me_, he thought with a grin.

His happy thought was interrupted as a kick was delivered to his stomach from below and he was sent flying into a tree, to which he quickly grabbed a branch to keep from falling.

"Stupid Sadist! Die!" she screamed, shaking her fist at the tree.

The smile was wiped off his face as he grew annoyed with her persistence. "You're like a cockroach! I squash you and you come back alive!"

"Nu-uh, I'm not a roach and I don't want your cock!"

"…uh. Like I'm giving it to you? You need your ears checked. I need that."

Kagura stood at the base of the tree and looked up at the sadist. "For what? It's not it gets any use."

Sougo broke off a small branch and threw it down at her. "How would you know? You follow me around or something?"

"Gin-chan said that Shinsengumi are useless so I expect everything to be useless, uh-huh!" she said, dodging the stick.

"Oh yeah?" he asked, jumping down to a lower branch. "Wanna bet?"

"I bet I'm right, yup! And anyway I won!" she said proudly. "Now to find that loser of a father, I bet he and that other tax robber went to the pond – ow!" she said as a heavy weight landed on her shoulders.

"Hmmm, don't think that's gonna happen," said a bored tone above her. She looked down to see two legs dangling on her front.

"… how many times do you have to sit on my shoulders. I told you, it's gross."

Grinning sadistically once more, Sougo squirmed against her neck.

"Ew! Stop that! I can feel your thing on my neck! And it's… uh… it didn't feel like that the last two times," she said, her eyes wide.

Sougo leaned down close to ear and whispered, "I told you it's not useless."

Kagura screeched and threw him down on the ground. "Go pee!"

"What do you mean, 'go pee?' " he asked from below.

"What do ya think, moron? Go pee if you gotta go that bad!"

Sougo sat up and tilted his head. "You're that clueless, aren't you. I know you're dumb but you really ought to be old enough to know things like this now."

She spat at him, which he blocked with a leaf. "You're the dummy, uh-huh! Trying to pee on defenseless girls, I'm not a masochist like your other girls!"

"Defenseless? Ha! I'm surprised Danna hasn't explained it to you. Well, guess it's up to me to educated you," he said as he stood up. "Tell me now, how old are you again?" he asked as he took her arm and held it tightly.

Kagura tried to shake him off, but he had an iron grip and for some reason she was feeling a little weak as he pulled her close.

"Lemme teach you a little something, China girl." His breath rasped against her ear once more. "It's been three years."

"Time doesn't change in this manga, stupid. You learned that from the Time-Skip Arc."

He bit the upper part of her ear. "Time may not change, but you and I do, and the rest of us. Otherwise this fan fiction couldn't exist and the author couldn't make this happen."

"The author needs to stop, uh-huh."

"Nah," he said, moving from her ear to her neck. "I'm fine with this. She won't write me being this close to you without you being of age."

"That's… a good thing too," Kagura choked out, interrupted by a bite on her neck. "Hmmm."

"Not so bad is it? I told you I would – "

"Hey!" interrupted a voice. "What are you doing with my daughter?"

"What are you doing with my sister?"

"Why haven't you killed him yet?"

"Is Sougo going to get married before I am? Shin-chan, won't your sister be upset if the China girl gets married before she does? I can help!"

"Who the heck is gonna help you! Die, Gorilla!"

"Your hair is gone, hahaha!"

"So, you just have a black sideburn now! Hahaha!"

Sougo looked at the bickering men with a deadpan stare and then pulled Kagura's arm and ran out of the park with her before the bickering quartet noticed.

Ten minutes later and Shinpachi noticed that two people from their group were gone.

"Um…" he said, nudging Gin who was arguing with Hijikata about whose new hairstyle was the best, "Gin-san. They're gone."

"You look like you're trying to be an American 70's hipster and – what?" Gin said, looking at the now-empty space beneath the tree.

Kondo coughed, and Hijikata's cigarette dropped on the ground.

They all stared where the sadist and red-haired alien girl had been standing just a few moments ago in silence.

Gin and Shinpachi's faces both darkened into sinister expressions and they drew out their wooden swords.

"We will feast on a sadist tonight!" they cried as they raced out of the park.

With a sigh Hijikata took out another cigarette and calmly walked the other way. Kondo looked both ways, not sure which way to go, and then finally decided to run after the Odd Jobs trio and his little captain.

"I hope he knows to use protection…"


End file.
